Frasier (Kelsey Grammer): This is heaven, right here and now. Why do we have to think about someplace else?
Niles (David Hyde Pierce): This is only heaven for the people who can't get into the real heaven. The platinum heaven.
In the last years of the Frasier series' run, Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) had an ongoing feud with a neighbor (Brian Stokes Mitchell) that I found tedious.
I know some people who liked those episodes, and I concede that it was an intriguing twist for the series. Cam Winston (the neighbor) was very much like Frasier in his temperament, his preferences, his mannerisms, just about everything, and the two were competitive over everything — like parking spaces and American flag displays.
In fact, the only real difference between the two was race — Frasier was white, and Cam was black — but I don't recall that angle ever being mentioned even though the rivalry was the basis of some episodes in the series' ninth season.
As I say I found those episodes tiresome for the most part, but there was one episode that I enjoyed in which Cam played a role. It was "Door Jam," which first aired on this night in 2003.
Yes, Cam did play a role in that episode — but he wasn't seen in it. In fact, he had made his last on–screen appearance in the series the year before this episode aired.
As part of the settlement resolving their feud, Cam and Frasier had agreed to swap mailboxes. The taller Cam was better suited for Frasier's top–shelf mailbox while Frasier could access Cam's lower box easier.
But mail delivery didn't exactly keep up with the changes. In "Door Jam," an invitation addressed to Cam from a mysterious new exclusive business was left in Frasier's box by mistake. Frasier and Niles (David Hyde Pierce) were intrigued because, being the elitist snobs that they were, they expected to be in the loop when anything exclusive surfaced in Seattle.
And neither could recall ever hearing about this business — which made them even more curious about it.
What did it do? The Crane brothers came up with some sneaky ways to find out, ignoring their father's suggestion to call the place and ask.
But even when they wound up taking the direct approach, it didn't yield the answer they sought because they weren't on the master list — so Niles had to pose as Cam, whose name was on the list, to get them in.
The employees of the business were discouraged from giving out information or allowing access to anyone who wasn't on The List. But, having established that as the company's policy, they were far too trusting. Not at all the kind of diligent gatekeepers one would expect. Niles was able to acquire that information and access merely by saying he was Cam. He didn't have to provide any supporting documents, like a driver's license, for example.
And their cover could easily have been blown several times during their stay as Frasier repeatedly addressed Niles by his real name within earshot of the employees.
The brothers were pleased to discover that the business was a day spa, and they were happy with the results — until they learned that there was a higher level than the one in which they had spent the afternoon, and Cam's name wasn't on that list. Consequently, the Cranes couldn't access it, and that really annoyed them.
Suddenly the pampering with which they had been so delighted was vastly inferior to what they imagined could be found at the gold level.
Then, once they had finagled their way into the gold level (with Roz's help), they immediately began lusting after what they believed to be a platinum level.
But it wasn't.
The employees urged them to stay where they were, telling them they were not allowed beyond that other door, but the Cranes ignored them. When they went through that door, they found the spa's garbage dumpster on the other side — and the orange honey–butter mask that had been applied to Niles' face was attracting bees.
It wasn't the grass that was green on the other side of that door.
