The Night MASH Almost Ended

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"I'll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody."

Hawkeye (Alan Alda)

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We know that MASH was one of the most popular TV shows of all time. It lasted 11 seasons, and it was in the Top 10 — if not the Top 5 — most of the time.

But as it was nearing the end of its first season, the future was really in doubt. MASH ended the 1972–73 season ranked No. 46.

The episode that aired on this night in 1973, "Ceasefire," was written when the decision about a second season had not been made — so two scripts were written. If the show was canceled, the script in which the war ended would be used. If it was picked up for a second season, the script in which the ceasefire turned out to be a false alarm would be used.

It isn't necessary, I am sure, to say which one it was. MASH ran until 1983.

Anyway, on to the episode.

Gen. Clayton (Herb Voland) informed Henry (McLean Stevenson) that a ceasefire was imminent — but that was unofficial, he warned Henry.

Nevertheless, Henry couldn't keep news like that to himself, and before long the entire camp was celebrating. Radar (Gary Burghoff) went around the camp to get messages and signatures for a memory book. Klinger (Jamie Farr) proceeded to give away his dresses, figuring he wouldn't need them anymore, now that the war was coming to an end.

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But Trapper (Wayne Rogers) didn't believe it. He said this kind of thing always happens in a war, and he bet Hawkeye $50 that the ceasefire would turn out to be a phony.

In the meantime, Hot Lips (Loretta Swit) was putting up a brave front, telling Frank (Larry Linville) that he was not to worry about her, that he was to go back to his old life and pick up where he left off. "I'm not going to make any trouble."

Hot Lips apparently wanted Frank to say something like he would leave his old life behind and stay with her. But he didn't do that. He told Hot Lips he wished she could meet his wife. "You'd like her," he said. That wasn't quite what she wanted to hear.

For the first time, Hawkeye acknowledged that he had a wife — but he did so for a different reason. He did so to avoid having to commit to all the women he had been with at MASH 4077. This caused considerable social difficulties for Hawkeye when word spread through the camp that he was married with five children.

That wasn't true, of course. Hawkeye was a bachelor. He just wanted to avoid complications. It worked beyond his wildest dreams.

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While we're on the subject, this wasn't the final episode of the season for MASH, but it was the final appearance by Marcia Strassman. She was mostly considered Hawkeye's girl in that first season, but then she left the show and went on to become Mrs. Kotter on Welcome Back, Kotter a few years later.

Anyway, to celebrate the ceasefire, Gen. Clayton came to the 4077th, where a commemorative slide show was presented in Clayton's honor. It included shots of the general in his private moments — exiting the latrine and cuddling with Hot Lips.

Then the hammer came down. A communique was handed to the general informing him that the ceasefire was off.

Trapper had won his bet — and the show went on for another decade.

The Pursuit of Perfection

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Henry (McLean Stevenson): Pierce, there is a war on!

Hawkeye (Alan Alda): Nothing gets by you, Henry.

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Hawkeye (Alan Alda) was a superior surgeon to Frank (Larry Linville), but he was an inferior–grade officer, and that was a source of endless frustration for Frank.

Frank wouldn't concede that Hawkeye was better at anything, but it was easier for him to complain about Hawkeye from the perspective of military discipline. As a surgeon, Hawkeye sometimes had to bail Frank out when his ham–handed techniques made a patient's condition worse, but as a military man, Hawkeye seldom wore a uniform, never saluted superior officers and generally treated the Army with disdain.

In the episode of MASH that first aired on this night in 1973, "Sticky Wicket," Hawkeye's prowess as a surgeon came into question, and Frank clearly loved it, especially since Hawkeye had just told him, "I wouldn't let you operate on me for dandruff."

But then Hawkeye had a patient who continued to have problems after a long session in the O.R.

"What went wrong, Super Surgeon?" Frank asked Hawkeye. "Operating with one hand tied behind your back again?"

Hawkeye tried to silence Frank, but it didn't work.

"Last night I was Mr. Screwup, remember?" Frank persisted.

"Dr. Screwup," Hawkeye replied, "and it still goes."

"Oh, really?" Frank continued. "Well, I haven't killed anybody this week. What about you, big shot?"

The case was really getting under Hawkeye's skin. He was obsessing about it even as life at the 4077th went on as usual.

For example, in The Swamp, Trapper (Wayne Rogers) and Radar (Gary Burghoff) were involved in a poker game. Radar bluffed Trapper out of a pot, and the two exchanged words.

Hawkeye, who had been quietly contemplating the situation with his patient, became annoyed.

"Can't you guys do that somewhere else?" Hawkeye demanded.

"Why don't you do what you're doing somewhere else?" Trapper replied.

"I'm not doing anything," Hawkeye said.

"Well, you can do that anywhere, can't you?" Trapper asked.

So Hawkeye moved from The Swamp, and everyone came by for one reason or another — including Henry (McLean Stevenson), who told Hawkeye he was losing his perspective "because one patient has gone sour. In an outfit like this, that's bad."

He told Hawkeye to put off posturing as Dr. Perfect until he went home where he could be more selective about the patients he treated.

As Hawkeye reflected on things, though, an answer came to him. He operated on the patient in the dead of night and found what was causing the problem.

"Anybody could have missed that," said Frank, who had been observing the operation.

And the rift between them was patched up — until the next time Frank screwed up.

Bombing Out

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Frank (Larry Linville): There's an unexploded shell out there.

Hawkeye (Alan Alda): We know, Frank, we know.

Frank: We've got to evacuate immediately!

Hawkeye: I think I did.

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If there is anything a sports fan truly loves, it is a rivalry. Nothing can get a sports fan's blood racing quite like a rivalry.

It can be an individual rivalry, like the Ali–Frazier fights. Or it can be a team rivalry, like Oklahoma and Texas or North Carolina and Duke.

And there is no rivalry that can compare to the Army–Navy rivalry.

The first game was played long before my time, of course, but I have always known that the Army–Navy football game is one of sports' most enduring rivalries. American presidents have attended the game. Instant replay was first used during an Army–Navy broadcast.

There was a time when the Army–Navy game drew national attention — and it still takes the spotlight at the tail end of the regular season although it rarely has national implications anymore (but that isn't for lack of trying. A website tries to ramp up interest by telling you exactly how much time remains until the next Army–Navy game!)

Army–Navy had national implications during World War II, and I guess it still did during the Korean War because the episode of MASH that first aired on this night in 1973, "The Army–Navy Game," used the rivalry as the backdrop of the story.

Everyone at the 4077th was following the game, even Father Mulcahy (William Christopher), although he lost interest when he realized Notre Dame wasn't playing. Henry (McLean Stevenson) located the broadcast on the radio, which reported that it was the 53rd meeting between the schools. In the timeline of the series, that would be the game that was played in 1952, which Navy won 7–0.

That wasn't the outcome in this episode, though. Well, it was the same winner, but it was a different score. Much different. The score that was reported in this episode was Navy 42, Army 36. I have looked through the scores in the series, and no Army–Navy game has ever ended with that score.

Also, since the Korean War ended in 1953, the 53rd clash between the schools would have been played less than a year before the MASH folks went home. Yet the series went on for another 10 years and underwent several cast changes.

Oh, well. Details, details.

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Henry, as I say, managed to locate the game on the radio, and the teams were getting things started when the 4077th found itself under attack. After the initial explosion rocked the compound, Hawkeye (Alan Alda) remarked, "That guy can really kick the ball!"

And in the middle of everything a big bomb landed in the middle of the compound — and didn't go off.

This bomb became Priority #1 for the 4077th, which tried to contact folks in the Army and Navy who could help them defuse it.

But they were all obsessed with the game. One agreed to look into the markings that had been observed on the bomb, but he told the people at the 4077th not to call him back until halftime.

So then it became a waiting game.

While they were waiting, Henry told Radar (Gary Burghoff) a story from his college days at Illinois — when, as team manager, Henry had run out on the field to tape the injured ankle of a star player before the pivotal play in the final seconds of the football game. It turned out that Henry had taped the wrong ankle. The player fell to the ground, screaming in pain, long before he could get near the end zone.

And Illinois lost the game.

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The best part of the story, though, is often cut for syndication; if you want to see it (and you should), it may be necessary to watch the episode on DVD. Radar thought the player had been tackled short of the goal line, but that, of course, was not correct. Henry confided that the star player still came to Henry's house once a year to shoot out the front porch light. Apparently he had not forgotten Henry's error, and he wanted to be sure Henry didn't forget, either.

"And he's a judge now," Henry lamented.

Eventually, it was determined that the CIA probably was behind the bomb — but the CIA wouldn't tell anyone its business so that couldn't be confirmed. So Hawkeye and Trapper (Wayne Rogers) were dispatched to defuse it. Henry would give them the best instructions they had available via megaphone — but Henry messed up the directions, and Hawkeye and Trapper tried to get away from the bomb before it went off.

They only got a few feet.

The explosion, though, was not the expected kind. It turned out to be a propaganda bomb that showered sheets of paper with "Give up. You can't win. — Douglas MacArthur" written on them.

In the best tradition of the times, MASH ridiculed both war and government in the same episode. That would be the norm in the years to come, but it was still new in 1973.

Taking the Longjohn Way Home

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Trapper (Wayne Rogers): Full house. Ha ha!

Radar (Gary Burghoff): I guess that beats two pair, right?

Trapper: It sure does! What were they?

Radar: Tens.

Trapper: Yeah? Tens and what?

Radar: That's it. Two pairs of tens.

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As the viewers of the 2018 Winter Olympics have been reminded, the winters in Korea are notorious for their severity, and the folks at Quartermaster Corps were forever sending the wrong things to the 4077th.

By "wrong," of course, I mean inappropriate.

In the latest round of harsh winter weather, the 4077th received a shipment of mosquito netting and summer underwear — items that would be useful in about six months when the rugged Korean summer set in. What everyone needed — and only one person had in the episode of MASH that aired on this night in 1973, "The Longjohn Flap" — was long underwear.

Hawkeye (Alan Alda) was that solitary individual. He had received some longjohns from home.

But he was an old softie at heart, and he gave his long underwear to Trapper (Wayne Rogers) when Trapper started sneezing.

That was only the beginning. Before the episode was over the longjohns had made their way around the camp and had, seemingly, been in everyone's possession — however briefly — at one time or another.

Trapper, in an attempt to make back what he had lost in poker, bet the long underwear against Radar (Gary Burghoff) — and lost. Radar, in turn, used the longjohns to score some points with a pretty nurse but changed his mind and swapped the longjohns to the cook for a leg of lamb and mint jelly.

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That was when Frank (Larry Linville) entered the picture. Frank was giving the cook a hard time about the cleanliness of his kitchen and threatened to bust him a rank. That was when the cook decided to bribe Frank with the longjohns.

Frank ended up giving the longjohns to Hot Lips (Loretta Swit) to prove his love for her (after he declined, once again, to divorce his wife), but Klinger (Jamie Farr) stole the longjohns from Hot Lips when she wasn't looking.

Overcome with guilt, Klinger confessed his sin to Father Mulcahy (William Christopher) and left the longjohns with him. The priest took them to Henry (McLean Stevenson), who promised to stay close to them until he had spoken to everyone in camp in an effort to find the rightful owner.

"Look, I'm planning on conducting a very thorough investigation," Henry said. "It might take a couple of months."

Henry never got a chance to conduct a tent–to–tent search, though. Hawkeye and Trapper had to rush him onto the operating table before his appendix burst. They were successful, which was reported to the camp by way of the P.A. system. The announcement drew mild applause. Then it was announced that the longjohns had been saved. By the raucous celebration, one would assume peace had just been declared.

In gratitude, Henry returned the longjohns to Hawkeye.

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It was a format that would be revisited about a year later when Hawkeye, in need of a new pair of boots, struck deals with everyone in the compound. The house of cards ultimately collapsed, and Hawkeye wound up on the losing end in that episode.

But in the episode that aired tonight, he was the winner — even though Trapper started sneezing again.

The Naked Truth

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On this night in 1973, MASH revisited a theme it first explored in the Christmas season of 1972 — a letter from Hawkeye to his father updating him on the activities at the 4077th.

"Dear Dad ... Again" followed the same format as its predecessor, but it did it a little better the second time around.

Take Hawkeye's update on Klinger (Jamie Farr), for example. Klinger had taken to wearing a white wedding dress.

Hawkeye was complimentary. "It's easy to go overboard with one of those things," he told Klinger, "but that's tasteful without being gaudy."

He did have some constructive criticism for Klinger, though.

"You must wear a slip! With the sun behind you, I can see clear through to your shorts."

Hawkeye began working on a letter to his father out of sheer boredom, and he claimed he wasn't the only one in camp who was bored and complacent. He made a bet with Trapper (Wayne Rogers) that he could walk into the mess hall naked, and no one would notice.

He lost that bet, and as he was leaving, he encountered Klinger, who said, "Now that's tasteful without being gaudy!"

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Frank (Larry Linville) and Hot Lips (Loretta Swit) had a falling out, and a despondent Frank returned to the Swamp with a rare request. He wanted a drink from Hawkeye and Trapper's still. Then, while under the influence, he confessed to them that his brother had called him Ferret Face when they were younger.

Late arrivals to the MASH series probably heard folks at the 4077th calling him Ferret Face in subsequent seasons, but they most likely thought it originated in the camp — unless they saw the first–season episode in syndicated reruns.

Radar (Gary Burghoff) became a high school graduate via a correspondence course. He had to verify his final grades before receiving his diploma so he tried to sneak them past Henry (McLean Stevenson) along with other documents Henry had to sign. It didn't work; Henry insisted that the grades that were reported had to be legitimate.

Sometimes Henry's conversations with Radar were worth the price of admission. In this episode, they were pure gold. When Henry asked Radar about the document, Radar told him the contents were restricted.

"You can tell me," Henry replied. "It's got my name on it."

The primary story centered on a Capt. Casey (Alex Henteloff), a new member of the medical staff who was a superb surgeon. Everyone was wowed by the things he did in the O.R. — until Hawkeye learned through Radar that Capt. Casey wasn't really a surgeon. He was an impostor.

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Casey told Hawkeye he had done other things — such as practicing law and working as an engineer — that required specialized training, but he had never had the patience to do things by the numbers. Hawkeye promised to report him to the authorities if he ever caught Casey practicing medicine without the proper credentials — and insisted that Casey (whose real name turned out to be Schwartz) look him up the minute he got those credentials. "You're a damn fine surgeon," he said.

What most people probably did not know at the time the episode was first broadcast — and what most people probably still do not know — is that the character was based on a real impostor from the Korean War era — a fellow named Ferdinand Waldo Demara.

Demara pretended to be many things — among them an engineer, a prison warden, a monk, a teacher, a cancer researcher. He also masqueraded as a Canadian war ship's surgeon and operated on 16 people during the Korean War.

The character in the MASH episode was based on Demara, but it wasn't the first time his life story was fictionalized like that. In 1960 the movie "The Great Impostor" was based on Demara's exploits and starred Tony Curtis in the title role.

Life Isn't a Movie

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"There are certain rules about a war, and Rule No. 1 is young men die. Rule No. 2 is doctors can't change Rule No. 1."

Henry (McLean Stevenson)

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In its early years, MASH was primarily — but not exclusively — slapstick comedy.

By the time it ended its run in 1983, MASH enjoyed a reputation as a unique sitcom that routinely — and successfully — blended humor and drama — but even though those early episodes leaned heavily toward comedy, viewers got some glimpses of the future in the series' first season (1972–73).

One such glimpse occurred 45 years ago tonight when the episode "Sometimes You Hear the Bullet" first aired. For the first time — but not the last — viewers would see a patient at the 4077th die.

This patient was one of Hawkeye's friends.

Even before MASH introduced a heavy dose of drama to its episodes, the theme of the show was senseless death, and episodes like "Sometimes You Hear the Bullet" wove several related stories together to drive home that point.

While the episode maintained the series' satirical slant, it had a more somber tone than most of the episodes in that first season.

The story was primarily about Hawkeye's childhood friend Tommy (James Callahan), a writer by training and a former war correspondent who was writing a book about war from a soldier's perspective and dropped by the 4077th. The title of his book was to be "You Never Hear the Bullet," which was a rejection of all the scenes in war movies in which a soldier was fatally shot, and everyone heard the bullet. In reality, Tommy said, you don't hear the bullet.

Tommy was at the 4077th for a breather before resuming his work, and his reunion with Hawkeye (Alan Alda) told the viewers the friendship had existed for a long time. According to Hawkeye, it went back to grade school.

Earlier in the episode Frank (Larry Linville) had injured his back while with Hot Lips (Loretta Swit). Frank insisted that Henry (McLean Stevenson) should nominate him for a Purple Heart.

Frank, of course, did not mention the real circumstances surrounding his injury.

"According to your accident report," Henry said to Frank, "you tripped in the mud on the way to the shower."

When Frank confirmed that, Henry asked, "Is that the way you want it announced at the award ceremony? Tripped in the mud on the way to the shower?"

Hot Lips brought attention to a technicality. "This injury was sustained at a front–line unit," she said. "Technically that makes it battle connected."

"On that basis," Hawkeye said, "we'll be handing out medals for social diseases."

And then, after Tommy had come and gone, Ron Howard (in one of his TV appearances between his runs as Opie on the Andy Griffith Show and Richie on Happy Days) played a very young Marine whose appendix had burst and had been brought to the 4077th for treatment.

Initially, Hawkeye was willing to stay quiet when he learned that the young Marine was actually 15 years old and had used a fake ID to enlist — all to impress a girl.

Tommy unexpectedly returned to the 4077th with a mortal wound and died on the operating table, where he confessed that he heard the bullet. Hawkeye, all set to operate on his friend, told him he would change the title to "Sometimes You Hear the Bullet."

But he didn't live that long.

A grieving Hawkeye decided to spill the beans on Howard's character — motivated by the loss of his friend to prolong the boy's life.

Howard's character, in the defiance that is characteristic of youth, swore never to forgive Hawkeye for what he had done.

"Let's hope it's a long and healthy hate," Hawkeye replied.

Seldom have I been as impressed by TV writing.

Which Is Stranger, Truth or Fiction?

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"We can all be comforted by the thought that he's not really gone; there's a little Tuttle left in all of us. In fact you might say that all of us together made up Tuttle."

Hawkeye (Alan Alda)

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At some point, I suppose, just about everyone has an imaginary friend, usually in childhood; in the episode of MASH that first aired on this night in 1973, "Tuttle," the viewers learned that Hawkeye (Alan Alda) had an imaginary friend he had never outgrown.

It formed the basis for what may have been the most bizarre episode of MASH's 11–year run.

When Hawkeye was growing up, Tuttle took the blame for anything Hawkeye did that he shouldn't have done. As you may have gathered, when Hawkeye was drafted, Tuttle accompanied Hawkeye to Korea — where, when Hawkeye and Trapper (Wayne Rogers) diverted supplies to a local orphanage, he continued to take the blame — or the responsibility, whichever way you prefer to look at it.

As the episode progressed, the full depth of Tuttle's character became known through a variety of means — most notably a personnel file that Hawkeye made up.

The creation of the personnel file, with Trapper and Radar (Gary Burghoff) watching over Hawkeye's shoulder, was hilarious and featured some of my favorite lines.

For example, when the form called for religious affiliation, Hawkeye said Tuttle was a Druid. "They worship trees," he told Radar. "Ah, a tree surgeon," Radar replied.

"Druid — reformed," Hawkeye continued. "They're allowed to pray at bushes."

As the personnel file grew, Trapper told Hawkeye, "You should write fiction."

"You should read my file," Hawkeye replied.

Hawkeye added physical characteristics that he knew would appeal to Hot Lips (Loretta Swit), who was sure to look at the file — which she did.

The more layers Hawkeye added to the character, the more people in the compound claimed to have seen him, met him, even had meals with him. Eventually, though, the whole thing collapsed when it became necessary for Capt. Tuttle to make a personal appearance.

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Those demands were manageable at first, but ultimately it reached a point where something had to be done.

Hawkeye couldn't create a Tuttle out of thin air so he did what may have been the next best thing — he killed off his creation.

Before the staff of the 4077th, which had been assembled to witness a commendation being given to Tuttle for donating his salary to the orphanage, Hawkeye stepped forward to inform everyone that there was no Tuttle.

Then he told them that Tuttle had gone out to do some field surgery that morning and had jumped from a helicopter with everything he needed — except a parachute.

At that point Hawkeye delivered a eulogy that must be heard to be appreciated, but Trapper told Hawkeye afterward that "there wasn't a dry eye in the whole camp."

"Tuttle always brought out the best in me," Hawkeye replied.

The Course of True Love ...

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In the episode of MASH that first aired on this night in 1973, "Love Story," Radar (Gary Burghoff) was a real mess.

He couldn't eat — oh, he would fill his plate with food, but then he would mysteriously decide that he wasn't hungry. And he couldn't sleep. Well, not normally. One day Henry (McLean Stevenson) came into his office and found Radar on top of the file cabinet — in the fetal position.

That was strange, even for Radar.

The doctors at the 4077th decided to give Radar a complete physical in an attempt to find out what was wrong. But all the tests indicated that he was in good physical health.

So Hawkeye (Alan Alda) and Trapper (Wayne Rogers) sat him down and asked him to 'fess up.

"What's turning you into a fruitcake?" Trapper asked.

Wordlessly Radar handed a 45 RPM record to Trapper, who put it on the record player in the tent. It was a recording from Radar's girlfriend back home — a "Dear John" recording informing Radar that she had decided not to wait for him and was going to marry someone else.

When the recording was over, Trapper and Hawkeye turned to give Radar some supportive advice — only to find that he was sleeping in the fetal position on one of the cots.

Thus began an effort to find a new love interest for Radar, but Hawkeye and Trapper could find no takers among the ladies of the camp.

Then arrived a pretty lieutenant (Kelly Jean Peters) and Radar was infatuated.

Hawkeye volunteered to help the new arrival unpack so he could learn about her musical and literary preferences, and he reported back to Radar with bad news — she was a fan of the classics in both categories. She carried recordings of Bach, Tchaikovsky and Shostakovich with her as well as volumes of classical literature and poetry. Carrying on a conversation with her was going to be a challenge for someone like Radar, a naive farm boy who was probably more at home with a Spike Jones record and a Captain Marvel comic book.

But Hawkeye was ready with tips for Radar, and he coached him in diversionary responses.

If the lieutenant spoke about Tchaikovsky or Shostakovich, for example, Hawkeye said Radar should simply look bored. But if she mentioned Bach, Hawkeye recommended a nod, a knowing smile and an "Ahhh, Bach."

Either response was sure to cut short that discussion.

And, as a matter of fact, she did mention Bach when the four were having a meal in the mess tent. And Radar followed Hawkeye's advice.

But she threw him a curve. She asked him what that meant. He replied with something else Hawkeye told him to say — "That's highly significant."

You might say Radar jumped the conversational gun on that one.

"I haven't said anything yet," she replied.

"That's OK," Radar ad–libbed. "I have confidence in you, Lieutenant."

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Somehow Radar managed to start a blossoming relationship that Hot Lips (Loretta Swit) and Frank (Larry Linville) were determined to nip in the bud.

The relationship was counter to regulations, and Frank and Hot Lips were sticklers for regulations — conveniently overlooking the fact that their romance wasn't exactly in line with regulations, either.

Part of Hot Lips' strategy included sending letters of complaint to the unit's commander, General Clayton.

Hawkeye and Trapper were just as determined to stop them and dipped into their extensive bag of tricks to do so.

Well, as Shakespeare wrote in "A Midsummer Night's Dream," the course of true love never did run smooth.

What's New?

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The glee club meets in the mess tent at 0800 hours. The first number on tonight's schedule is, uh, Father Mulcahy's solo, "I'm Confessin' That I Love You."

P.A. announcer

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The episode of MASH that first aired on this night in 1972, "Dear Dad," was the series' first to use what became a rather familiar tactic on the show — telling a story in the form of a letter being written to someone back home.

The device would be used with other characters over the years, but in this case it was Hawkeye (Alan Alda) who was writing a letter to his father during the Christmas season. Other episodes utilizing the "Dear Dad" title would focus on Hawkeye's letters to his father, but letters home from Col. Potter, Radar, Klinger, etc., were also used in future episodes.

Thus the narration was in fact the text of the letter that Hawkeye was writing during a lull in the fighting.

The episode also helped to firmly establish the dual themes of the series — the antiwar theme and the comedic theme. "Dear Dad" was only the series' 12th episode, and MASH was still seeking its identity.

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As I say the Christmas season had arrived, and Hawkeye used the letter to fill his father in on the news from MASH 4077th.

Radar (Gary Burghoff) was mailing a Jeep back to the States — one piece at a time.

Henry Blake (McLean Stevenson) delivered a sex lecture despite being clearly uncomfortable doing so.

And Hawkeye and Trapper John (Wayne Rogers) sabotaged the tent where Hot Lips (Loretta Swit) and Frank (Larry Linville) were to spend the evening together.

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But all those things could have happened at any time of the year. They didn't have to be a week before Christmas.

What really made the episode a Christmas episode was the final segment, in which the 4077th was hosting its annual Christmas party for the local Korean children. Hawkeye was slated to play Santa Claus.

But his plans changed. He was called away to do emergency field surgery on a chest wound.

Still dressed as Santa, he descended by rope from a chopper as the battle raged around him.

A soldier waiting in a foxhole with the wounded man saw Hawkeye's descent and said to his buddy, "And you said there was no Santa Claus."

The concept of using a letter as the narration for an episode was a good idea and worked better in future efforts. It was a case of improving each time it was done.

But "Dear Dad" succeeded pretty well as a first effort — and it is still a pretty good Christmas episode.

Losing Grasp of Reality

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"I had a dream last night that I was asleep, and I dreamed it while I was awake!"

Hawkeye (Alan Alda)

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In the episode of MASH that first aired on this night in 1972, "Bananas, Crackers and Nuts," the staff had just put in a brutal stretch of surgery — but the word was that the enemy had pulled back to regroup and no further action was expected for a week.

Immediately Hawkeye (Alan Alda) and Trapper John (Wayne Rogers) lobbied for some R&R, but Henry (McLean Stevenson) was leaving the camp for awhile, which left Frank (Larry Linville) in command. And Hawkeye and Trapper knew Frank wouldn't approve a leave for them.

So they came up with a scheme to try to persuade Frank that Hawkeye was losing his grip on reality and would need time off in Tokyo. In their plan, Trapper would accompany him because Trapper was "the only one that can handle him." It seemed like a foolproof plan.

They staged a scene in the mess tent in which Hawkeye, dressed in surgical garb, came in with a plate of freshly cooked liver and sat down within arm's reach of a bottle of ketchup. In his conversation with Frank and Hot Lips (Loretta Swit), Hawkeye strongly implied that the liver came from the corpse of a North Korean.

Frank agreed to authorize the time off.

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But Hot Lips wasn't convinced and suggested that they summon a psychiatrist to examine Hawkeye. It turned out that Hot Lips knew a brilliant psychiatrist (Stuart Margolin) who had been crazy about her for years.

When they first met, Hawkeye implied that he was in love with Frank — an eyebrow–raising confession as far as the psychiatrist was concerned. And the psychiatrist decided to take Hawkeye back to Tokyo with him for observation.

That was when the episode really took off. Hawkeye and Trapper hatched another plan — with the help of Radar (Gary Burghoff) — to set up the psychiatrist using the object of his affections as the unwitting bait.

They switched the signs on Hot Lips' tent so the psychiatrist would think he was going into the visitors' tent. Then, once he was inside, the sign was switched again. When Hot Lips went into the tent, the psychiatrist grabbed her, Hot Lips screamed and the rest of the camp came running.

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It was still early in the series' first season, but Hawkeye was establishing a reputation for resisting authority. OK, his character had already established that in the movie — but a TV series is a different animal. Each sitcom must have its own running jokes to succeed and must maintain them regularly. MASH did a pretty good job with that. After all, it lasted 11 seasons.

Margolin made another appearance on MASH — in its second season — as yet another specialist, summoned to the camp to perform nose surgery.

'Saints in Surgical Garb'

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"Three hours ago, this man was in a battle. Two hours ago, we operated on him. He's got a 50–50 chance. We win some, we lose some. That's what it's all about. No promises. No guaranteed survival. No saints in surgical garb. Our willingness, our experience, our technique are not enough. Guns and bombs and antipersonnel mines have more power to take life than we have to preserve it. Not a very happy ending for a movie. But then, no war is a movie."

Hawkeye (Alan Alda)

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Even long–time fans of MASH may not have noticed, but there was a policy that existed for more than half of the series' run — the laugh track that was always present in scenes that showed The Swamp or the mess tent or the colonel's office (or anywhere else) was not present in the operating room.

That was a sign of reverence and respect. The operating room is a serious place so, even though the surgeons cracked as many jokes in the O.R. as they did outside it, there was no laugh track there.

It was not always that way. It was a policy that evolved and was actually a compromise. See, the creators of the series — Larry Gelbart and Gene Reynolds — didn't want a laugh track at all. CBS rejected that but ultimately agreed to a compromise in which the laugh track was omitted from operating room sequences.

In a way, the episode that aired on this night in 1972, "Yankee Doodle Doctor," gave the show's fans a peek into the future.

Not that there were that many fans in 1972, anyway. The show was in its first season and wound up rated #46 when the season was over. It appeared to be on its way to cancellation, but it got some traction from summer reruns and was rescued. It was in TV's Top 10 every season for the rest of its run.

But that was still in its future when "Yankee Doodle Doctor" aired 45 years ago tonight.

As the episode opened, it became clear to the audience that an Army documentary was going to be made about the 4077th.

And as the episode unfolded, it became clear to Hawkeye (Alan Alda) and Trapper John (Wayne Rogers) that it was pure propaganda, right down to the insipid narration that Frank (Larry Linville) did, which referred to the surgeons at the 4077th as "saints in surgical garb," and they wanted nothing to do with it.

But after they had sabotaged the finished film — driving the director from Special Services and the unit's commanding general (Herb Voland in a recurring role) away — Hawkeye and Trapper convinced Col. Blake (McLean Stevenson) to let them make their own movie.

And what a movie it was.

With the help of Radar (Gary Burghoff) and Nurse Cutler (Marcia Strassman), they made a slapstick feature that paid homage to the Marx Brothers — with Hawkeye dressed as Groucho and Trapper as Harpo. Radar played a patient who was being "operated on" by Hawkeye — with a saw.

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It probably goes without saying that, given the slapstick nature of the movie Hawkeye and Trapper produced, the laugh track was used liberally.

But not in the final scene. In that scene, Hawkeye, seated next to an actual recovering patient, delivered the monologue that is reproduced at the top of this post. No laugh track was used — well, nothing funny was said in that segment so it would have been strange if one had been used. But it gave viewers a taste of what it would be like to watch MASH without a laugh track.

OK, that last scene wasn't in the O.R. But it was in post–op. Close enough.

Strassman, who was making her second appearance on MASH, seemed to be destined to be a cast regular, but she left after the season ended. I haven't been able to find out why, but she went on to land several significant parts on TV and in the movies.

She died of cancer three years ago this Tuesday.