The Final Episode of Cheers!

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Twenty–five years ago tonight, Cheers! concluded its lengthy run on TV with "One For the Road."

The episode managed to tie up some loose ends rather nicely — and earned a viewership for a series finale that is still second only to the legendary final episode of MASH.

Even Diane (Shelley Long) came back — and it was truly clever the way the show's writers achieved it. Diane, a longtime barmaid and long–winded intellectual, was being honored for her writing by the Cable Ace Awards, and the males at Cheers were tuned in to watch for glimpses of the cleavage of attractive presenters. They were all stunned to see Diane win — especially her on–again off–again beau Sam Malone (Ted Danson) and Carla (Rhea Perlman), her nemesis at Cheers who could only live with what she was seeing by persuading herself that she must be hallucinating.

Subplots included the installation of Woody (Woody Harrelson) as a Boston councilman and Cliff's (John Ratzenberger) desire for a promotion.

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Sam decided it would be a civilized gesture to send Diane a telegram congratulating her on her triumph, never dreaming that she would call to thank him for it. In the course of their conversation, Diane revealed that she was married with three children. Sam tried to top her by inventing a wife and four children.

Then he made his mistake. When Diane told him that he would like her husband, Sam told her to bring him by the bar if she was ever in Boston. He didn't think she would ever show up in Boston, but she did, and Sam had to persuade Diane's replacement, Rebecca (Kirstie Alley), to pose as his wife. It was the only time that Diane and Rebecca appeared together in a Cheers! episode.

It also turned out that Sam and Diane had been lying. Rebecca's former lover interrupted their lunch with a proposal, which she accepted; then they left the restaurant. Not long after that the lunch was interrupted again by the male lover of Diane's husband, who confronted him in the dining room and then stormed out. Diane's husband followed. After the alleged spouses had left the restaurant, Sam and Diane were free to explore the truth with each other — and they decided to get back together.

Their announcement of their reunion was not greeted with enthusiasm by the Cheers regulars, who remembered all too well how things had been when Sam and Diane were together before.

Sam and Diane had second thoughts aboard the plane when Sam thought the pilot was speaking directly to him over the P.A. system, and Diane likewise thought a stewardess was speaking to her. They had a change of heart as the plane returned to the terminal.

So Sam returned to the bar, and Diane returned to Los Angeles — alone.

At the bar, Sam had a memorable conversation with the Cheers gang about love and the meaning of life over some Cuban cigars. When I think of that conversation, even now, I remember Cliff and his assessment of what is really important in life — comfortable shoes.

But I also think of Norm (George Wendt), who told Sam after all the others had left that it didn't what or who one loved as long as it was an unconditional love.

That's an important point — that one must love whatever is most important unconditionally — that was made so effortlessly it took one's breath away.

Or maybe that was the result of uncontrollable laughter.

An Electoral Experiment

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A city councilman seeking a fourth term in office paid a visit to Cheers on this night in 1993 in an attempt to win some votes. It infuriated Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) because, where the other patrons heard inspiring statements, Frasier heard meaningless politician's rhetoric.

And an idea was born in this episode of Cheers! — "Woody Gets an Election." "We could put a chimpanzee on the ballot and garner 10% of the vote," Frasier insisted.

Apparently, no chimpanzee was available so Frasier did the next best thing. He recruited Woody (Woody Harrelson) to run for city council and made a bet with Sam (Ted Danson) that all he had to do was put Woody's face on a poster above a phrase that sounded good (the phrase that appeared on the posters was "He's one of us") but essentially meant nothing and, by Election Day, he would get 10% of the vote.

Frasier also decided to use the campaign as a case study for a paper.

Part of the experiment, of course, involved interviews with the local media. Only a few months before she became a regular on the Frasier spinoff, Peri Gilpin made a guest appearance as a political reporter who came by the bar to interview Woody.

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The interview was like something out of "Being There." Farm boy Woody kept answering the questions from a farmer's perspective, and the reporter put her own preconceived interpretations on his answers.

It didn't take long for Frasier to win the bet. Polls showed Woody receiving 8% in advance of the election, and Sam conceded. Frasier figured he could take down the posters and end the charade.

But then the news broke that Woody's opponent, the incumbent who was seeking a fourth term, had been charged with public drunkenness. Suddenly, the folks at Cheers believed Woody could win.

In fact, Frasier believed it so deeply that he was plagued by nightmares in which Woody had a meteoric political career that landed him in the White House, where he fired nuclear bombs.

And he implored Woody to drop out of the race before he made a mockery of the democratic process. Woody pledged to do so at the Election Eve debate — but his intentions were sidetracked when his wife Kelly (Jackie Swanson) informed him on camera that he was going to be a father.

And the victory was sealed.

On election night, Woody kept thanking Frasier for getting him started, but Frasier, still thinking of his harrowing mushroom cloud dreams, insisted that "no one can prove that."

The opening segment of the episode featured a guest — Spanky McFarland of "Our Gang" fame. Know–it–all Cliff (John Ratzenberger) spotted him sitting at the far end of the bar and told Norm (George Wendt) that he believed the man was Spanky. Cliff sauntered over to him and began talking, in his blowhard fashion, about his love for "Our Gang."

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Apparently, that was all Spanky needed. When Cliff asked him if he was Spanky, he denied it, and Cliff left the bar.

"You are Spanky, aren't you?" Norm asked him.

"Oh, yeah," Spanky replied.

That was Spanky's final public appearance. He died a couple of months later.

Harry the Hat Evens the Score

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Long–time viewers of Cheers! know that the bar's rival was Gary's Old Towne Tavern. The bars competed in all kinds of things, and Gary's Old Towne Tavern always won — and on this night in 1993, Sam's bar was gearing up for what was expected to be a banner St. Patrick's Day — perhaps its best ever.

Even Sam (Ted Danson) expressed confidence that the bar would outperform Gary's on what is arguably the biggest holiday in New England. But Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) reminded him that Gary's had been the big St. Patrick's Day winner for 10 straight years.

Nevertheless, Sam was convinced that his bar could finally beat Gary because he had a strategy — banners, balloons, green beer, Irish music, Carla (Rhea Perlman) dressed as a leprechaun. When Gary (Robert Desiderio) came over, he first offered to call off the bet to save Sam's bar from humiliation. Then, when Sam wouldn't go for it, Gary suggested raising the stakes — "Make it something more interesting than the usual hundred bucks?" — Sam readily agreed, but he didn't tell the patrons of the bar what the new stakes were or what he had committed all of them to do if they lost.

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Talk about humiliation.

When Gary won the bet, they all had to come to the Old Towne Tavern and sing "Getting to Know You" in the buff. Just about everyone agreed that it was a humiliating experience.

Well, except for Cliff (John Ratzenberger). He "found the whole thing quite exhilarating."

But Sam said it was the first time he had ever been naked — and not had fun.

Sam said he would call upon con man Harry the Hat (Harry Anderson) to help them get even. But Harry declined, saying they could never top Gary.

"Face it, you're a bunch of losers," Harry told them. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's your nature, you know? It's the way God made you. You're part of his master plan. If it weren't for you guys, how would we know who the winners were?"

Sam decided to give up competing with Gary. He said he would go over to the Old Towne Tavern the next day to make peace with his rival.

But when he did, a bulldozer came crashing through the bar's exterior. Sam could only watch helplessly.

Back at Cheers!, Gary came running into the bar, swearing to call the cops. Sam wanted to avoid that so he got on his knees to ask Gary to keep the cops out of it. The patrons who had performed naked at Gary's bar got on their knees, too, and Gary pulled out a camera and took a picture.

Gary said it was a setup. He had sold his bar to a commercial developer who had been responsible for bulldozing the bar to make room for a shopping center.

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But it turned out that Harry the Hat had been behind it. He had posed as the developer.

When Sam asked if Harry had destroyed the bar, Harry said he hadn't, but Gary had. Gary arranged for the bulldozer after making the deal with Harry the Hat. Harry had been posing as a land developer — who was going to come up short of funds, as Gary discovered when he tried to cash Harry's check. It bounced, of course, and Gary's bar was in ruins.

When Sam asked Harry how he could repay him, Harry said he already had. Sam soon learned what he meant by that. Harry had taken all the money in the cash register.

To be sure, Harry was an equal opportunity swindler.

The Old Double Cross

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Diane (Shelley Long): I find older men stimulating.

Sam (Ted Danson): I hope you're not talking about me.

Diane: Oh, certainly not. You're not the least bit stimulating.

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Harry Anderson is probably best known for his work as Judge Harry T. Stone on Night Court.

But before, during and after Night Court, Anderson was Harry the Hat, a recurring character on Cheers! In fact, he made six appearances as Harry the Hat, and his best may well have been in the episode that first aired on this night in 1983, "Pick a Con ... Any Con."

Harry the Hat was a hustler, and his services were needed in this episode because Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) had been losing a lot of money to a conman, and Harry was just the guy to get it back.

Harry's idea was to set up the conman with a poker game. That was his weakness. So arrangements were made for what would appear to be a friendly game of poker at the bar. The other participants were going to be the guys from the bar.

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The guys would have to provide their own money to make everything seem on the up and up. And Sam (Ted Danson) had to provide some $5,000 with which Harry could gamble. But the guys all thought they were going to get their money back so it didn't take much convincing to get them to invest their money in the plan.

But Harry double–crossed them. He merely let them think they were setting up the conman. In reality, Harry and the conman were setting up the guys in the bar, and it appeared they were going to get away with it.

But the guys caught on to what was happening, which led to a one–on–one round of five–card draw between Harry and the other conman.

Sam thought Harry was going to win back the money for the guys in the bar, which was what the original plan had been — and it turned out that he did — but he made a beeline for the door, and it looked like he had conned everyone.

Then, in one of the niftiest switcheroos since "The Sting," it turned out that Harry and the Coach (of all people) had actually cooked up the whole thing in advance. They had conned the conman and the guys at the bar.

Sleight of hand. It'll get ya every time.

If you've never seen it, try to catch it somehow — on DVD or Netflix or whatever.

There She Is, Miss Boston Barmaid

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Cliff (John Ratzenberger): None of the girls have what I'm looking for, Normy.

Norm (George Wendt): What's that?

Cliff: Low standards.

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The Sam and Diane Show was the primary attraction on Cheers! by this point in the series' first season.

And in the episode that first aired on this night in 1983, "No Contest," Sam (Ted Danson) had entered Diane (Shelley Long) in the annual Miss Boston Barmaid contest — without her knowledge — and she had been named a finalist.

It wasn't exactly a beauty pageant like Miss America, but the winner possessed decidedly more than barmaid skills, if you know what I mean, and the finalists tended to do a little flirting with the emcee, the judges and the audience.

Of course, a restaurant's staff does plenty of schmoozing anyway so I guess that could be considered a barmaid skill.

Diane loathed such contests and was prepared to withdraw until she learned that there would be reporters from major news outlets at the contest. She changed her mind, believing she could use the contest as a platform to air her grievances.

And she made plans to disrupt things.

At first she appeared to be sincerely trying to win the contest. It was being held at Cheers! and Sam clearly wanted someone from the bar to win. It was, after all, the 45th annual contest, and no one from Cheers! had ever won.

Sam had no idea what Diane planned to do if she won so he gave her pointers on how she should look during the competition.

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But he found Diane's index cards on which she had written certain things she wanted to say in her victory speech. Things like how degrading she thought such contests were. That wasn't what Sam wanted to hear in his bar on such a noteworthy night.

Better to lose the contest than to allow that to happen.

So Sam set about sabotaging Diane — or at least he tried to — with a little psychological warfare. He casually mentioned Diane's tendency to get a facial tic when she was nervous.

Reminded of that, Diane began to twitch, but she managed to turn that to her advantage by making some remarks about overcoming obstacles — and she won the contest.

She was about to deliver her speech when the emcee began giving her the prizes that came with her victory. None really wowed her until the final one — a week in Bermuda for her and a friend.

She gave up on her plan.

Later, after everyone had left the bar, Diane lamented that she had "sold out womankind for a trip to Bermuda."

"Most people would have done it for the dry cleaning," Sam replied in a reference to one of the other prizes.

The really funny thing is, there was probably a lot of truth in that.

As a side note, this episode was one of many Cheers! episodes to feature famous people in cameo appearances. On this night, Speaker of the House Tip O'Neill was featured in the show's opening segment.

A Double Blind Date to Remember

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Coach (Nicholas Colasanto): Beer, Norm?

Norm (George Wendt): That's that sudsy amber stuff, right? Been hearing good things about it.

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I don't know when it became apparent to the creators and writers for Cheers! that the TV show was not really, as advertised, the story of the characters in a bar. Sure, that was the emphasis in the first half–season, but, in the end, it became the Sam and Diane Show — and remained that way until Diane left.

I guess it was just too tempting, a kind of Hepburn and Tracy dynamic brought to the small screen on a weekly basis. Television programs are like that, though. The audience responds to something — in this case, the sexual tension between the blue–collar bartender Sam (Ted Danson) and the refined college–educated waitress Diane (Shelley Long) — and the writers give the viewers what they want.

It's what they did with Happy Days. Fonzie was intended to be a minor player at best, but audiences responded to him, and he became one of the show's stars — arguably its biggest.

Likewise, the West Wing was originally intended to be about the people who toil in the West Wing of the White House. The president was not intended to be an integral part of the show, merely an occasional character. That changed in the first season as well.

I've always kind of felt that the episode of Cheers! that first aired on this night in 1983 — "Diane's Perfect Date" — was the writers' first real acknowledgement of that fact.

They were sneaky about it, though.

When the episode began, Diane was returning to the bar after a weekend with a date whose special skill was to state, in a very Rain Manesque way, the number of letters in the last sentence that was spoken. For example:

Diane: "He's able to tell you instantly how many letters there are in any sentence you say."

Walter: "Sixty–six."

Sam: "That's quite a gift."

Walter: "Fifteen. We've been at it all weekend."

Sam: "How many days did it seem like?"

Walter: "Twenty–four."

And then there was my favorite. It was when Walter was leaving, and Sam stopped him.

Sam: "How was Diane on a scale of a hundred?"

Walter: "Twenty–nine."

Later, when Sam and Diane were criticizing each other's dating choices, Sam ridiculed Walter's ability to count the letters in sentences.

Diane countered that the "coterie of Betty Boops you squander your time, money and hormones on" could not form sentences.

They agreed to set each other up with the perfect date for the next evening after Sam boasted that he could arrange for the best date Diane ever had.

Diane said she had someone in mind for Sam, too, and she took their wager seriously, but Sam didn't really have anyone for her. When he realized that she was really going to respond to the challenge, he sought advice from Carla (Rhea Perlman) and Coach (Nicholas Colasanto). Carla wasn't much help; she recommended an old ballplayer friend of Sam's who, Sam recalled, was dead. "So she has to drive," Carla replied.

But it was Coach, of all people, who planted the idea of pursuing Diane in Sam's mind. Well, it may have been percolating in his mind all along, but it was the first time I can remember Sam acknowledging (thanks to the writers) what, as I say, just about everyone else already knew.

Coach said he thought Sam would be the perfect date for Diane, and Sam rationalized that that must be Diane's intention — to present herself as Sam's perfect date. He decided to return the favor.

But Diane really did have someone in mind — Gretchen (Gretchen Corbett), a "woman of substance" who was a grad student in kinesiology. When Diane asked about her date, Sam had to come up with one and made a frantic dash for the backroom, where he found a guy named Andy (Derek McGrath) and paid him to be Diane's escort for the evening.

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It turned out that Andy had just been released from prison after serving time for manslaughter. Upon learning that, Sam suggested that they double date.

After dinner — and an apparently harrowing ride on Andy's motorcycle — the date came to an end, and Sam and Diane confronted what everyone already knew — that they were attracted to each other.

That conversation was only beginning.

Cheers and Sympathy

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"Elizabeth was my closest friend and confidante. That cat could really keep a secret."

Diane (Shelley Long)

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Loss is always painful, regardless of whether it was expected or, for that matter, what was lost.

"Nothing that grieves us can be called little," Mark Twain wrote. "By the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size."

With that in mind, Diane (Shelley Long) was dealing with a loss that seemed almost unbearable to her but didn't seem to be terribly significant to the people around her in the episode of Cheers! that first aired on this night in 1983 — "Let Me Count the Ways."

Diane was mourning the death of her family's cat, Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I realize that, to some, the loss of a pet is not a big deal, but I also know, having had pets around the house most of my life, that a pet's death can be a very traumatic thing.

And Elizabeth Barrett Browning had been part of Diane's household since she was a child. Diane recalled times when she had despaired, and the cat had been her salvation — and she felt guilty that she had not been there to comfort her cat when she was in her final moments.

If you have never had a pet, you probably can't understand that any better than the folks at Cheers! could. It's a matter of perspective, I suppose. But pets really do become members of the family. In fact, some pets are treated better than some members of the family.

I don't know how Diane's family responded to Elizabeth Barrett Browning's passing, but Diane took it quite hard.

And she took it personally that no one in Cheers! seemed to take her grief seriously.

Everyone was more interested in the Celtics game on TV. Sam (Ted Danson) and Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) were especially interested in the game, having taken the unprecedented step of betting against the Celtics (based on information from a professor of cybernetics at M.I.T.), which was the sort of thing they couldn't possibly share with the Cheers! patrons.

But they made out like bandits when the Celtics lost.

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It was a noteworthy solo debut for writer Heide Perlman, younger sister of series regular Rhea Perlman, who went on to write many of the better episodes of popular TV series in the next 30 years — including 16 other Cheers! episodes.

Speaking of Rhea Perlman, she had many great lines as Carla the waitress, but I always thought one of her best came in this episode when Diane asked her how she managed to stay upbeat in the face of adversity. Carla said she always looked on the bright side.

"What good could you possibly say about a loved one dying?" Diane asked.

"It ain't me!" Carla replied.

Spreading Christmas Cheer

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Oh, joy. Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, millions of Americans, knee deep in tinsel and wrapping paper, will utter those heartfelt words, "Is this all I got?"

Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer)

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On this night in 1987, Cheers! was in its sixth season — about midway through its run. The characters' quirks had been established even though some of the original characters were gone and some new ones were in the cast.

Rebecca (Kirstie Alley) had replaced Diane (Shelley Long), and Woody (Woody Harrelson) had replaced Coach (Nicholas Colasanto). Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) and Lilith (Bebe Neuwirth) had been added.

On this night in 1987, it was Christmas Eve in the Cheers! universe — and everyone was distracted by things that were sure to exaggerate each character's quirk.

Cliff (John Ratzenberger) was obsessed with a postmen's canned food drive in which the winner would receive a trip to Disney World. He brought a big cardboard box to the bar and encouraged everyone to drop off cans.

Rebecca, the bar's manager for its new corporate owner, told the bar staffers that they had to work Christmas Eve. Carla (Rhea Perlman) had no problem with that. Neither did Woody, who had decided not to visit his family in Indiana during the holidays because he was participating in a Christmas play in Boston (even though he admitted missing his mother's "bone–dry" stuffing).

But Sam (Ted Danson) did. He considered a "holiday eve" a holiday.

Nevertheless all the Cheers! employees worked on Christmas Eve — and found themselves waiting to close the near–empty bar that night while one lone patron sat slowly nursing a drink. As they waited they decided to do their gift exchange — which was when Sam realized he had no gift for Rebecca, and he rushed out into the night hoping against hope he could find a store that was still open.

He couldn't — but he stumbled upon a lovely young lady carrying some shopping bags. When he explained his predicament to her, she offered to let him buy one of the items among her purchases. He picked a pair of earmuffs — and made a date with her for later when he learned that her shopping bags also contained intimate apparel.

Same old Sammy.

Norm was working a part–time gig as a department store Santa. On Christmas Eve he brought all his buddies from Santa School to the bar after the stores closed.

When the staffers exchanged gifts, it turned out that Sam had picked up the wrong package. Instead of earmuffs, he had given Rebecca diamond earrings.

After some initial resistance, Rebecca agreed to accept them, forcing Sam to spend much more than he had anticipated — but he thought it would pay off when Rebecca invited him to her place after work for a late dinner.

Then he learned that it would not be the one–on–one evening he expected. Everyone at Cheers! had been invited!

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The episode ended on the same note with which it began — with everyone watching yet another airing of "It's a Wonderful Life" on a local TV station that was apparently showing it all month in the station's "It's a Wonderful Month" promotion.

Even Frasier (Kelsey Grammer), who had a decidedly Scrooge–like attitude, got choked up.

Back in the Saddle Again

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Coach (Nicholas Colasanto): Damnedest thing. I've been shivering all the way over here.

Diane (Shelley Long): Well, Coach, you don't have a coat on. It's 30 degrees outside.

Coach: Oh, thank God. I thought I had malaria.

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I often think what a shame it was that Nicholas Colasanto died only a few seasons into the lengthy run of Cheers!

As a result, many of the people who watched the show never knew Coach — just as many people who watched M*A*S*H never knew Henry Blake (McLean Stevenson).

Stevenson left M*A*S*H voluntarily but later said he regretted that decision.

Both departures were abrupt. Through nearly all of his last episode, Stevenson was believed to be going home (leaving open the possibility of future guest appearances) — until his airplane was reported shot down over the Sea of Japan in the episode's final minutes. Coach just died without any explanation being given.

And both departures brought replacements — Col. Potter on M*A*S*H and Woody on Cheers! — who are remembered and loved while their predecessors have mostly faded from memory.

The episode of Cheers! that first aired on this night in 1982, "Coach Returns to Action," provides an indication of what was lost.

For the benefit of those readers who missed the character entirely: Coach was a former baseball coach, and he had been Sam's coach before the series' timeline began. When the series premiered, Coach was retired from coaching, now a bartender for Sam (Ted Danson). He was rather slow and plodding but with the proverbial heart of gold.

As the episode opened, Coach was even more out to lunch than usual. An attractive young woman named Nina (Murphy Cross) had moved into his apartment building, and he had helped her with her furniture. In the process he had become smitten with her.

The thing that bugged Coach was the difference in their ages. It was never specified for the audience, but there was a quarter century between the ages of the actor and actress, and the audience could see there was an age gap when Nina visited the bar.

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Diane (Shelley Long) encouraged him to ask her out. She also ran interference for Coach, trying to dissuade notorious ladies' man Sam from approaching her. Sam approached her anyway and kept getting shot down.

Meanwhile, Coach made a sincere attempt to invite Nina out to dinner, but she insisted she still had a lot of unpacking to do.

That was when Coach used a ruse to turn things around. I'd rather not spoil it for those who haven't seen it. Catch it on the DVD of Season 1 or on Netflix. You'll thank me for it.

This episode also had one of my favorite Cheers! dialogues that had nothing to do with the story but everything to do with the characters' personalities.

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Diane wondered aloud why people drink cold beer in winter. Norm (George Wendt) turned to know–it–all Cliff (John Ratzenberger) and asked for an explanation.

"How do you know he has one?" Diane asked Norm.

"Five bucks says he does," Norm replied. "Ten bucks says it's a doozy."

They both looked at Cliff, who said, "When the British ruled the Punjab ..."

"Ten bucks all the way!" Norm said triumphantly.

The Debut of Cheers!

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Coach (Nicholas Colasanto): I'm working on a novel. Going on six years now. I think I might finish it tonight.

Diane (Shelley Long): You're writing a novel?

Coach: No, reading it.

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The great thing about Cheers! was that, although it was ostensibly about a bar, it was really about the people in the bar. The place where everybody knows your name.

When it finished its 11–year run, viewers felt as if they knew the folks on the show — their strengths, their weaknesses, their personality quirks — so well that sometimes I think any one of them could have starred in a spinoff and been successful.

Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) was the character who was spun off and had an 11–year run of his own, which is kind of ironic since he wasn't in the Cheers! cast when the show premiered on this day in 1982. In the first episode, "Give Me a Ring Sometime," the emphasis was on the barmaid who would be viewers' introduction to Frasier's woeful love life — Diane Chambers (Shelley Long).

She wasn't a barmaid at the time. She came in to the bar with her fiancé. They planned to go to Barbados, where they would be married, but Diane's fiancé wanted to get the ring from his ex–wife, so he left Diane at Cheers! with a promise to return.

By the end of the episode, though, it was clear that he was not going to return, that he had probably reconciled with his ex–wife. Forlorn Diane was offered the job of a barmaid.

Her conversation with her first customers kind of set the tone for the series:

"Welcome to Cheers," she told the middle–aged couple. "My name is Diane. I will be serving you. Why don't you sit down right over here? You know, I should tell you, parenthetically, that you are the first people that I have ever served. In fact, if anyone had told me a week ago that I would be doing this, I would have thought them insane. When Sam over there offered me the job, I laughed in his face. But then it occurred to me, here I am, I'm a student — not just in an academic sense but a student of life. And where better than here to study life in all its many facets? People meet in bars, they part, they rejoice, they suffer, they come here to be with their own kind. What can I get you?"

To which the man replied, reading from a phrase book in broken English, "Where is police? We have lost our luggage."

The episode was also a setup for the other people in the bar, especially the proprietor, Sam (Ted Danson), who had been a major–league baseball player until his struggle with alcohol ended that chapter in his life.

Many of the characters who went on to be regulars on the show were there — waitress Carla (Rhea Perlman) and patrons Norm (George Wendt) and Cliff (John Ratzenberger).

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"Coach" (Nicholas Colasanto), the bartender, was there, too, but he died of a heart attack a few years later, and the character was written out of the series. Woody (Woody Harrelson) was brought on as Coach's replacement.

And that is probably what prevented the episode from being regarded as one of the best of the series. The first episode essentially introduced the viewers to the characters in the series, and that took most of the time.

So the first episode couldn't be too in depth. There simply wasn't enough time, you see.

It served its purpose, though. It got the audience hooked and set the stage for the show's 11–year run. And that provided plenty of time to explore various personalities and themes.

Good thing for all of us, too.

Bye Bye, Boston

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Nearly every actor and actress from Cheers! made an appearance on the hugely successful spinoff, Frasier. Lilith (Bebe Neuwirth) made the most appearances, but Sam (Ted Danson), Woody (Woody Harrelson) and Diane (Shelley Long) showed up, too, just not as often.

For nearly everyone else, the episode that first aired on this night in 2002, "Cheerful Goodbyes," was their single shot — and it was a real treat for anyone who ever watched Cheers! in the '80s.

I guess the only ones who weren't on Frasier at some point were Coach (Nicholas Colasanto), who died not long after Frasier joined the Cheers! cast, and Rebecca (Kirstie Alley).

The premise of the story was simple. Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) was being honored at a conference in his old Boston stomping grounds, and he brought his family with him for the occasion. Niles (David Hyde Pierce) had been recruited to give Frasier's introduction but was angry at Frasier for outing him on Frasier's radio program as a child bed wetter. Daphne (Jane Leeves) came along because she wanted to see Boston, and Martin (John Mahoney) was there, too.

Upon their arrival at the airport in Boston, Frasier happened to cross paths with verbose postman Cliff Clavin (John Ratzenberger), who was boring an airport bartender with the kind of story he frequently told on Cheers!

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Cliff thought Frasier was in town to surprise him at his retirement party, which was scheduled for that evening. Cliff was at the airport to pick up his mother — who, it turned out, had boarded "the wrong plane" and gone to Bosnia, not Boston.

Nevertheless, Cliff later provided a batch of deviled eggs for the party. He said he followed his mother's recipe — substituting water for mayo.

Frasier didn't want to disappoint his old friend so he agreed to come to the party — which was being held somewhere other than Cheers because Sam was throwing a Red Sox reunion that night.

Clearly Sam wasn't there, but just about everyone else was — especially Carla (Rhea Perlman), who could hardly wait to see Cliff leave. She didn't care if he enjoyed his retirement; she just wanted him gone. The knowledge that he was leaving made her feel that "life is good" even though, by her own account, everything else in her life was falling apart.

Pity poor Daphne. Unaware of Cliff's windbag ways, she found herself being bombarded by his nuggets of wisdom.

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More's the pity — she actually believed him when he told her that Winston Churchill was the inventor of the English muffin. You'd think a girl from Manchester would know better.

As the evening neared its conclusion, Cliff was having a crisis. None of his friends seemed to be sorry he was leaving — so Frasier tried to intervene, talking the gang into giving Cliff a rousing sendoff.

It was going pretty well, but Carla, of all people, overplayed her hand and, unintentionally, persuaded Cliff to stay in Boston.

And life — for Carla, at least — wasn't so good anymore.

Ridding Yourself of Your Ghosts

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Lana (Jean Smart): You are a really good f–––

Frasier (Kelsey Grammer): Don't. Don't use the F word.

Lana: I wasn't about to! I was gonna say we're friends!

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Considering that Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) was a psychiatrist, I thought that the greatest — perhaps only — shortcoming of the Frasier TV series was the rarity of episodes that really dove into psychiatric studies and principles.

Sure, Frasier hosted a radio program on his series in which he dispensed psychiatric advice, but the conversations with Frasier's listeners tended to be what his brother Niles (David Hyde Pierce) derisively called "McSessions" — brief and, to be honest, mostly written and played for laughs. Fair enough. Frasier was, after all, a sitcom.

Occasionally, Frasier would devote his radio show to a particular theme, inevitably drawing some pretty bizarre listeners from the woodwork, but I honestly felt that he seldom made his psychiatric work the centerpiece of an episode. Psychiatry was always there, and there were usually hints at something, but seldom did the writing really plunge into the subject.

That could not be said of the episode that aired on this night in 2001, kicking off Frasier's ninth season. It was called "Don Juan in Hell," and it was a full hour — which, in syndication, has been divided into two 30–minute parts.

From the beginning, the story of Frasier's character was love — more specifically, his unsuccessful quest for it. On Cheers!, his character was left at the altar, then he thought he had found love again only to lose it again. When Cheers!' run ended and Frasier began his own series, his romantic missteps became more epic.

When Frasier finally came to its conclusion, it did so with Frasier pursuing yet another love interest. The audience was to be deprived of the knowledge of how that one turned out — unless somewhere down the line there is a Frasier reunion that brings the audience up to date.

The psychiatric angles of Frasier's quest for love were rarely addressed directly. They were mostly implied. But the episode that opened the ninth season was different.

In the episode that aired 15 years ago tonight, Frasier was dating the woman he had once thought was his soulmate — Claire (played by Patricia Clarkson) — and they had gone on a trip to Belize together, but while they were there Frasier had been having second thoughts, especially after he dreamed of being in bed with the woman who brought Frasier and Claire together, his high school heartthrob Lana (Jean Smart). You know how psychiatrists are about dreams.

That was where the eighth season ended.

When the ninth season began, Frasier was torn between those two love interests, a rare circumstance for him. He was faced with a similar quandary a few seasons earlier when he told his radio show producer Roz (Peri Gilpin), "I'm a one–woman man — if that."

He seemed quite earnest about it — in his own way. If you ever watched Frasier, you know how obsessive he could be, and he was obsessive on this topic, seeking feedback from everyone from his father and brother to the guy who cleaned airplanes between flights.

Eventually, Frasier decided to go off by himself for awhile to think things through — and found himself driving with the ghosts of Diane (Shelley Long), the one who left him at the alter, and Lilith (Bebe Neuwirth), his ex–wife — and he began discussing his relationships with them. (Frasier's writers always punctuated episodes with title cards that frequently had meanings that were not immediately obvious. The title card that preceded this portion of the episode was appropriately labeled "Head Trip.")

As they drove along they encountered Nanette (Dina Waters), the famous Nanny Gee who was mentioned frequently but seldom seen, Frasier's first wife from his college days. Nanette, appearing as she must have when she was with Frasier, was hitchhiking, and they offered her a ride. Once inside the car, she began performing a song she had written in college to a poem Frasier wrote about Bangladesh. (I've always loved the title the show's writers gave that song — "Bangladesh: Dhaka Before the Dawn." It simply reeks of youthful idealism.)

Anyway the trio followed Frasier to a cabin in the woods, where they proceeded to evaluate his relationships with women. At that point, his mother (played by Rita Wilson) showed up, and the four began to analyze Frasier.

During their discussion, there were some delightful references to past episodes, but to know the history and get most of the inside jokes, one really needed to have seen episodes of Cheers as well as episodes of Frasier that preceded this one. There was a lot of inside baseball going on. As I understand it, most of the women were reprising, if only for a few seconds, roles they played previously on one of the shows. (Wilson had played a Frasier love interest who strongly resembled Frasier's mother in an earlier episode, and Long and Neuwirth were regulars on Cheers!.) If a face looked familiar, there was a good reason for that.

Finally, Frasier could stand no more, and he bolted for the door of the cabin — only to find waiting for him on the porch all the women he had ever dated.

That led him to conclude that those three primary love interests and his mother (who referred to the other three as "the slacker, the barmaid and the icicle") were at the root of his problem. They had created a fear of rejection that was with him on every date and in every relationship. They were a constant reminder, he told them, of how emotionally risky pursuing a relationship can be.

"How will I ever move forward if I don't put you behind me?" he asked.

And all four disappeared.

I thought it was the writers' best, most thought–provoking exploration of the psychiatry in a character since an episode that aired nearly 20 years ago, "The Impossible Dream." I plan to write about that one on its anniversary next month.

The episode was dedicated to the memories of Frasier creator and executive producer David Angell and his wife Lynn, who died aboard American Airlines Flight 11 when it crashed into the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001. "Don Juan in Hell" aired two weeks to the day after the terrorist attacks.

Ironically, more than four years before the attacks, a Frasier episode mentioned American Airlines Flight 11. It was, of course, purely coincidental — but eerie in hindsight.

(That episode, "Odd Man Out," was first shown nearly 20 years ago. I plan to write about it when it observes that anniversary next May.)

Clearing the Air

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Frasier (Kelsey Grammer): She's back. The scourge of my existence!

Niles (David Hyde Pierce): Strange, I usually get some sign when Lilith is in town: Dogs forming into packs, blood weeping down the wall.

Frasier: I'm talking about ... Diane Chambers!

Niles: (to the intercom) Lucille, send Mr. Carr home.

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Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) could be very philosophical, capable of deep thoughts. It was one of his better traits.

I always thought he proved that when, in the first season of the Frasier series, he tried to console a young widow who couldn't come to terms with the sudden death of her husband at a young age. After agreeing that it wasn't fair that some people who are in excellent physical shape nevertheless die young while others who smoke and never eat appropriately live into their 80s and 90s, Frasier told her that all one can do is live for the little joys that life affords us.

That was one of those moments when Frasier was wise and articulate. His words were poignant, and they seemed to explain the unexplainable. As a psychiatrist, I'm sure he was proud of his words. They were words he probably should have applied to his own life more often — like, for example, in the episode that aired for the first time on this night in 1996, "The Show Where Diane Comes Back."

Diane, of course, was played by Shelley Long — as she was originally in the series Cheers! that launched Frasier in 1993. Frasier was a character on Cheers! I believe he was originally intended to be a guest on a few episodes, but he was so well received that the producers made him a regular. That didn't set well with Long. She didn't like the Frasier character and lobbied to have him removed. Obviously, she didn't succeed.

Allow me to digress for a moment — but not entirely because this relates to Frasier's observation about living for the little joys that life affords us.

One of the little joys that life affords me is the work I do with journalism students who staff the weekly newspaper at the local community college. This semester I have been talking with one of the reporters who is discovering the Frasier series because of things I have told him about it. I don't know if he has seen the episode that made its debut 20 years ago tonight, but I know he is familiar with the image you can see at the top of this post. It was the moment when Frasier first saw Diane at the radio station.

He went racing across town to his brother's office — where Niles was in the middle of a session. Niles tried to help Frasier confront some of the demons that had tormented him since Diane left him at the altar many seasons before — but Frasier could only obsess about how he was going to rub his success in Diane's face when he had her over to his apartment for dinner.

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But Diane threw him a curve. No matter how Frasier tried to impress Diane — with the fabulous view from his apartment or the expensive wine he served — she managed to top him in an almost casual manner.

When Frasier offered her a glass of an expensive (and, therefore, exclusive) bottle of wine, her response was, "Oh, good, I always keep a bottle of that around myself."

If you have seen many of the Cheers! episodes, Diane and Frasier were never really on the same page even though they liked to tell each other that they were. They had many of the same tastes, liked many of the same things. But they were seldom truly in harmony.

Nothing had really changed when they were reunited in Seattle. Diane came to Seattle not to rekindle the relationship but to seek Frasier's financial assistance with the production of a play she had written. Frasier, on the other hand, was obsessed with the past, having several unresolved issues, many of which stemmed from times when he jumped to false conclusions — and anyone with any familiarity with Frasier's character knows how prone he was to jumping to conclusions.

I guess that was always a problem for Diane and Frasier. They always assumed things about each other and, in the grand tradition of assumptions, were almost always wrong in their assumptions. It was that way in Boston, and it was still that way in Seattle. They never seemed to be direct with each other; on the rare occasions when they were direct with each other, they were direct long after they should have been.

In this episode — which Kelsey Grammer says allowed him to mend some fences with Shelley Long — Diane was pretty direct, considering that she didn't think (or said she didn't) of their romantic history — or what Frasier might have been thinking when she popped up out of the blue.

I guess Diane and Frasier really weren't any different from most people. It has been my observation that most misunderstandings, most assumptions could be avoided if people took a few minutes to mentally put themselves in the place of the other person. What would I do if I found myself in his/her shoes? Situations aren't the same for everyone. Nor are motivations. Or perspectives.

That is one of the first lessons one learns in the newspaper business. It's probably the same for police officers and judges — heck, anyone who has to deal with people, I suppose, which means just about everyone.

More often than not, there are more than two sides to a story.

And folks who were familiar with Cheers! story lines knew how many sides there were in Diane's life's stories. In fact, the play she wanted to produce in Seattle was autobiographical, based on her experiences at the bar in Boston. And in Diane's eyes, she was the center of everything in the bar.

In most ways, the play was more than a little literal. All the characters were duplicates of the characters at the bar in Boston, but their names had been altered. They were still recognizable, though. The character who was modeled after Frasier was named Franklin. The character modeled after Sam the bartender was named Stan. Norm was named Ned. Carla was named Darla. Diane's character was named Mary Anne.

But there were some obvious things that demonstrated vividly how Diane falsely perceived her relationship with her environment. For example, Norm was the one who was greeted by a unanimous "Norm!" from everyone in the bar when he came in. In Diane's play, Ned received no such greeting. In fact, Mary Anne was the one who was greeted with a resounding "Mary Anne!"

Whether in real life or on the stage, Diane falsely perceived herself to be at the center of everything.

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Frasier could barely contain himself when he watched a dress rehearsal of the play.

Especially when he saw the on–stage reference to Diane's decision to leave him at the altar.

Mary Anne mentioned it to Franklin, who told her, "You know I hold no ill will toward you for that."

At that point, the actor playing Franklin told Diane he felt awkward with that part of the dialogue. How was he supposed to feel about being left at the altar?

Frasier stood up and attempted to enlighten him, wrapping up by telling Franklin that his character had "made a pact with Beelzebub — and her name is Mary Anne!" Frasier turned and strode resolutely toward the exit with the sound of the cast's applause ringing in his ears and a chastened Diane watching

Frasier returned to the theater later and had a rare heart–to–heart conversation with Diane in which she tried to apologize for misleading him, and he told her that wasn't necessary, that he had misled himself.

"The things I said just needed to be said," he told her. "In retrospect, I'm reasonably sure that you are not the devil — although he does have the power to assume pleasing shapes."

It was another great episode in a season that was filled with great episodes. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I am inclined to believe that Frasier's third season was its absolute best.

The Last Time Niles Saw Maris

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Frasier (Kelsey Grammer): All right, what's going on?

Martin (John Mahoney): Maris is really gone. I'm on the phone with the station right now. ... Yeah, Mike, I'm still here. Yeah, that's right. She's been missing three days. ... Thin. Make that very thin. Caucasian. Very Caucasian.

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Maris Crane has to be the greatest television character no one ever saw but about whom everyone knew everything since Vera Peterson on Cheers! — which isn't surprising given that they were both created by the same writing team.

And when I say the viewers knew everything about them, I include all the inside jokes the other characters told about them. Maris was always the butt of jokes about her appearance. As a child, she was overweight but she lost weight as an adult and became painfully thin with a phobia about gaining weight. She was ghostly pale, perhaps moreso than Frasier's wife Lilith, who was seen often.

Other abnormalities emerged as the seasons went on. Because Maris was entirely fictional with no actress portraying her who could be typecast by the role, the writers were free to make her as bizarre as they could. Maris was born into an enormously wealthy family, which produced a spoiled, demanding, neurotic woman, prone to all sorts of medical conditions that could be tragic in real life but contributed to a cartoonish image. David Hyde Pierce, who played her husband Niles, has described her as "a refugee from Taming of the Shrew."

Twenty years ago tonight Maris turned the Crane household upside down. She had disappeared, and Niles was frantic. There had been no note, no indication that she was going anywhere. She might have been kidnapped — but no ransom demands had been made.

Niles didn't notice that Maris was gone for three days. He had knocked on her bedroom door and been greeted by what he interpreted as Maris' customary icy silence. He presumed that everything was status quo.

But then he realized she was gone and became worried. (His first instinct was to drag the koi pond for Maris' body. Cooler heads prevailed.)

So his father and brother were at his house to lend him their support. Martin (John Mahoney) was on the phone with one of his buddies at police headquarters. He told the family there had been a bunch of charges on Maris' credit cards in New York — Cartier, Tiffany's, Armani. Niles, fearing that Maris had been kidnapped and someone was using her credit cards to charge things, wanted to know if there were any charges at restaurants.

"Not a one," Martin replied.

"She's alive!" Niles exclaimed, and a wave of relief washed over him. But he could see that Frasier (Kelsey Grammer) was not as relieved.

And that sparked a conversation in which Frasier said Maris was arrogant and selfish. Niles preferred to label Maris' behavior eccentric. But he soon conceded that Frasier was right.

Apparently, Niles and Maris argued (out of sight of the cameras, of course), and Niles stormed out, announcing that he was going to Frasier's.

That was where Maris finally reached him by phone. When their conversation was over, Niles told Frasier that Maris wanted a divorce.

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Frasier felt responsible. After all, he had encouraged Niles to stand up to Maris.

So Frasier went to see Maris to plead Niles' case, but he got nowhere with Maris.

So Frasier and Martin accompanied Niles to his house to pick up some of his things, and Marta, the Cranes' maid, informed Niles that his wife had told her that if he said their split had been his fault — which it hadn&pos;t; Maris had gone to New York without leaving a note or any kind of indication where she had gone or whether she had left by choice — he didn't have to leave.

Niles asked his brother and father for their opinions. Frasier was against it, but Martin wouldn't give an opinion. All he would say was that he and Frasier would support Niles, whatever he decided to do. When Niles turned and began walking toward the stairs, Martin exclaimed, "What are you, nuts? You're going to go up there and grovel to that woman after what she did to you?"

Niles said he had only been going to get his car keys, which were resting on the table at the foot of the stairs. "But thanks for the impartial advice, Dad."

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Niles and Maris were separated for the next couple of years before they finally got their divorce and Niles proceeded to pursue his longtime attraction to Daphne (Jane Leeves), even though there was a brief marriage to Mel (Jane Adams) in the interim.

The episode was a nice reminder that there will always be people who will be impossible to please. They might be your spouse, classmate, co–worker, and you may try to appease them up to a point.

If at first you don't succeed, they say, try try again.

Then stop, I say. No use being a damn fool about it.

Coach's Debut

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"Cheerio, Cheers" was Coach's last full–episode appearance ...

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Sadly, many of today's TV viewers are unfamiliar with Nicholas Colasanto.

I guess that isn't too surprising. Colasanto died more than 25 years ago, on Feb. 12, 1985, a few days after taping one of the last episodes of Cheers!' third season.

For really young TV viewers, Cheers! may not be too familiar, either. It went off the air nearly 17 years ago. But it ran for an amazing 11 years, and it did serve as the launching pad for one of the most well–known TV characters of all time — Frasier Crane, who was portrayed, first on Cheers and then on his own spin–off series, by Kelsey Grammer.

Grammer wasn't a charter member of the Cheers! cast like Colasanto. He came along in the third season, in time to work with Colasanto for a little while.

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... but unused material was included in the season's final episode ...

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But I think Grammer would tell you that his career wouldn't have been the same if he had been deprived of that time with Colasanto, however brief it was. Colasanto had been in the entertainment business for a quarter of a century. The role of Coach was a supporting role, but Colasanto played a variety of roles in a career that included both TV and films. He also did some directing in his life.

That career began 51 years ago on Friday with a small part in a Playhouse 90 production of "For Whom the Bell Tolls" that starred Jason Robards, Maureen Stapleton, Eli Wallach and Sydney Pollack. To put things into perspective, Grammer was barely 4 years old at the time.

Colasanto appeared on several popular TV shows in his career — My Favorite Martian, The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, Ben Casey, The Man From U.N.C.L.E., I Spy, The Fugitive, Mannix, Mission:Impossible, Ironside, Kojak, Baretta. He almost never made more than one episode with any show until he signed on with Cheers — and it is beyond me why someone with a lengthy resume of appearances in crime dramas cast his lot with a sitcom.

But that's what he did, and anyone who watches the early Cheers! episodes in the future will be grateful. Coach was oblivious to a lot. He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. But he had the proverbial heart of gold, and he left a void in the cast until Woody Harrelson joined the show as Woody Boyd.

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... and then Sam adjusted Colasanto's picture of Geronimo in a tribute
to Coach in the last act of the series' finale in 1993.

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After Colasanto's death, the cast continued to pay tribute to him on screen.

A picture of Geronimo had been hanging in his dressing room. The cast hung the picture on the set and it stayed there until the final episode eight years later.

In that final episode, Sam straightened the picture, as you can see in the attached clip. A final salute to Coach.

What relevance did Geronimo have to Nicholas Colasanto? Ultimately, not much, I guess — except that it was said the picture had special meaning for Colasanto.

I don't know what that special meaning was. But it apparently is why he kept it hanging on a wall in his dressing room.

Consequently, after Colasanto died, it had a lot of meaning for his castmates as well.