The Old Double Cross

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Diane (Shelley Long): I find older men stimulating.

Sam (Ted Danson): I hope you're not talking about me.

Diane: Oh, certainly not. You're not the least bit stimulating.

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Harry Anderson is probably best known for his work as Judge Harry T. Stone on Night Court.

But before, during and after Night Court, Anderson was Harry the Hat, a recurring character on Cheers! In fact, he made six appearances as Harry the Hat, and his best may well have been in the episode that first aired on this night in 1983, "Pick a Con ... Any Con."

Harry the Hat was a hustler, and his services were needed in this episode because Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) had been losing a lot of money to a conman, and Harry was just the guy to get it back.

Harry's idea was to set up the conman with a poker game. That was his weakness. So arrangements were made for what would appear to be a friendly game of poker at the bar. The other participants were going to be the guys from the bar.

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The guys would have to provide their own money to make everything seem on the up and up. And Sam (Ted Danson) had to provide some $5,000 with which Harry could gamble. But the guys all thought they were going to get their money back so it didn't take much convincing to get them to invest their money in the plan.

But Harry double–crossed them. He merely let them think they were setting up the conman. In reality, Harry and the conman were setting up the guys in the bar, and it appeared they were going to get away with it.

But the guys caught on to what was happening, which led to a one–on–one round of five–card draw between Harry and the other conman.

Sam thought Harry was going to win back the money for the guys in the bar, which was what the original plan had been — and it turned out that he did — but he made a beeline for the door, and it looked like he had conned everyone.

Then, in one of the niftiest switcheroos since "The Sting," it turned out that Harry and the Coach (of all people) had actually cooked up the whole thing in advance. They had conned the conman and the guys at the bar.

Sleight of hand. It'll get ya every time.

If you've never seen it, try to catch it somehow — on DVD or Netflix or whatever.

A Double Blind Date to Remember

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Coach (Nicholas Colasanto): Beer, Norm?

Norm (George Wendt): That's that sudsy amber stuff, right? Been hearing good things about it.

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I don't know when it became apparent to the creators and writers for Cheers! that the TV show was not really, as advertised, the story of the characters in a bar. Sure, that was the emphasis in the first half–season, but, in the end, it became the Sam and Diane Show — and remained that way until Diane left.

I guess it was just too tempting, a kind of Hepburn and Tracy dynamic brought to the small screen on a weekly basis. Television programs are like that, though. The audience responds to something — in this case, the sexual tension between the blue–collar bartender Sam (Ted Danson) and the refined college–educated waitress Diane (Shelley Long) — and the writers give the viewers what they want.

It's what they did with Happy Days. Fonzie was intended to be a minor player at best, but audiences responded to him, and he became one of the show's stars — arguably its biggest.

Likewise, the West Wing was originally intended to be about the people who toil in the West Wing of the White House. The president was not intended to be an integral part of the show, merely an occasional character. That changed in the first season as well.

I've always kind of felt that the episode of Cheers! that first aired on this night in 1983 — "Diane's Perfect Date" — was the writers' first real acknowledgement of that fact.

They were sneaky about it, though.

When the episode began, Diane was returning to the bar after a weekend with a date whose special skill was to state, in a very Rain Manesque way, the number of letters in the last sentence that was spoken. For example:

Diane: "He's able to tell you instantly how many letters there are in any sentence you say."

Walter: "Sixty–six."

Sam: "That's quite a gift."

Walter: "Fifteen. We've been at it all weekend."

Sam: "How many days did it seem like?"

Walter: "Twenty–four."

And then there was my favorite. It was when Walter was leaving, and Sam stopped him.

Sam: "How was Diane on a scale of a hundred?"

Walter: "Twenty–nine."

Later, when Sam and Diane were criticizing each other's dating choices, Sam ridiculed Walter's ability to count the letters in sentences.

Diane countered that the "coterie of Betty Boops you squander your time, money and hormones on" could not form sentences.

They agreed to set each other up with the perfect date for the next evening after Sam boasted that he could arrange for the best date Diane ever had.

Diane said she had someone in mind for Sam, too, and she took their wager seriously, but Sam didn't really have anyone for her. When he realized that she was really going to respond to the challenge, he sought advice from Carla (Rhea Perlman) and Coach (Nicholas Colasanto). Carla wasn't much help; she recommended an old ballplayer friend of Sam's who, Sam recalled, was dead. "So she has to drive," Carla replied.

But it was Coach, of all people, who planted the idea of pursuing Diane in Sam's mind. Well, it may have been percolating in his mind all along, but it was the first time I can remember Sam acknowledging (thanks to the writers) what, as I say, just about everyone else already knew.

Coach said he thought Sam would be the perfect date for Diane, and Sam rationalized that that must be Diane's intention — to present herself as Sam's perfect date. He decided to return the favor.

But Diane really did have someone in mind — Gretchen (Gretchen Corbett), a "woman of substance" who was a grad student in kinesiology. When Diane asked about her date, Sam had to come up with one and made a frantic dash for the backroom, where he found a guy named Andy (Derek McGrath) and paid him to be Diane's escort for the evening.

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It turned out that Andy had just been released from prison after serving time for manslaughter. Upon learning that, Sam suggested that they double date.

After dinner — and an apparently harrowing ride on Andy's motorcycle — the date came to an end, and Sam and Diane confronted what everyone already knew — that they were attracted to each other.

That conversation was only beginning.

Cheers and Sympathy

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"Elizabeth was my closest friend and confidante. That cat could really keep a secret."

Diane (Shelley Long)

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Loss is always painful, regardless of whether it was expected or, for that matter, what was lost.

"Nothing that grieves us can be called little," Mark Twain wrote. "By the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size."

With that in mind, Diane (Shelley Long) was dealing with a loss that seemed almost unbearable to her but didn't seem to be terribly significant to the people around her in the episode of Cheers! that first aired on this night in 1983 — "Let Me Count the Ways."

Diane was mourning the death of her family's cat, Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I realize that, to some, the loss of a pet is not a big deal, but I also know, having had pets around the house most of my life, that a pet's death can be a very traumatic thing.

And Elizabeth Barrett Browning had been part of Diane's household since she was a child. Diane recalled times when she had despaired, and the cat had been her salvation — and she felt guilty that she had not been there to comfort her cat when she was in her final moments.

If you have never had a pet, you probably can't understand that any better than the folks at Cheers! could. It's a matter of perspective, I suppose. But pets really do become members of the family. In fact, some pets are treated better than some members of the family.

I don't know how Diane's family responded to Elizabeth Barrett Browning's passing, but Diane took it quite hard.

And she took it personally that no one in Cheers! seemed to take her grief seriously.

Everyone was more interested in the Celtics game on TV. Sam (Ted Danson) and Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) were especially interested in the game, having taken the unprecedented step of betting against the Celtics (based on information from a professor of cybernetics at M.I.T.), which was the sort of thing they couldn't possibly share with the Cheers! patrons.

But they made out like bandits when the Celtics lost.

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It was a noteworthy solo debut for writer Heide Perlman, younger sister of series regular Rhea Perlman, who went on to write many of the better episodes of popular TV series in the next 30 years — including 16 other Cheers! episodes.

Speaking of Rhea Perlman, she had many great lines as Carla the waitress, but I always thought one of her best came in this episode when Diane asked her how she managed to stay upbeat in the face of adversity. Carla said she always looked on the bright side.

"What good could you possibly say about a loved one dying?" Diane asked.

"It ain't me!" Carla replied.

Back in the Saddle Again

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Coach (Nicholas Colasanto): Damnedest thing. I've been shivering all the way over here.

Diane (Shelley Long): Well, Coach, you don't have a coat on. It's 30 degrees outside.

Coach: Oh, thank God. I thought I had malaria.

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I often think what a shame it was that Nicholas Colasanto died only a few seasons into the lengthy run of Cheers!

As a result, many of the people who watched the show never knew Coach — just as many people who watched M*A*S*H never knew Henry Blake (McLean Stevenson).

Stevenson left M*A*S*H voluntarily but later said he regretted that decision.

Both departures were abrupt. Through nearly all of his last episode, Stevenson was believed to be going home (leaving open the possibility of future guest appearances) — until his airplane was reported shot down over the Sea of Japan in the episode's final minutes. Coach just died without any explanation being given.

And both departures brought replacements — Col. Potter on M*A*S*H and Woody on Cheers! — who are remembered and loved while their predecessors have mostly faded from memory.

The episode of Cheers! that first aired on this night in 1982, "Coach Returns to Action," provides an indication of what was lost.

For the benefit of those readers who missed the character entirely: Coach was a former baseball coach, and he had been Sam's coach before the series' timeline began. When the series premiered, Coach was retired from coaching, now a bartender for Sam (Ted Danson). He was rather slow and plodding but with the proverbial heart of gold.

As the episode opened, Coach was even more out to lunch than usual. An attractive young woman named Nina (Murphy Cross) had moved into his apartment building, and he had helped her with her furniture. In the process he had become smitten with her.

The thing that bugged Coach was the difference in their ages. It was never specified for the audience, but there was a quarter century between the ages of the actor and actress, and the audience could see there was an age gap when Nina visited the bar.

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Diane (Shelley Long) encouraged him to ask her out. She also ran interference for Coach, trying to dissuade notorious ladies' man Sam from approaching her. Sam approached her anyway and kept getting shot down.

Meanwhile, Coach made a sincere attempt to invite Nina out to dinner, but she insisted she still had a lot of unpacking to do.

That was when Coach used a ruse to turn things around. I'd rather not spoil it for those who haven't seen it. Catch it on the DVD of Season 1 or on Netflix. You'll thank me for it.

This episode also had one of my favorite Cheers! dialogues that had nothing to do with the story but everything to do with the characters' personalities.

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Diane wondered aloud why people drink cold beer in winter. Norm (George Wendt) turned to know–it–all Cliff (John Ratzenberger) and asked for an explanation.

"How do you know he has one?" Diane asked Norm.

"Five bucks says he does," Norm replied. "Ten bucks says it's a doozy."

They both looked at Cliff, who said, "When the British ruled the Punjab ..."

"Ten bucks all the way!" Norm said triumphantly.

Coach's Debut

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"Cheerio, Cheers" was Coach's last full–episode appearance ...

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Sadly, many of today's TV viewers are unfamiliar with Nicholas Colasanto.

I guess that isn't too surprising. Colasanto died more than 25 years ago, on Feb. 12, 1985, a few days after taping one of the last episodes of Cheers!' third season.

For really young TV viewers, Cheers! may not be too familiar, either. It went off the air nearly 17 years ago. But it ran for an amazing 11 years, and it did serve as the launching pad for one of the most well–known TV characters of all time — Frasier Crane, who was portrayed, first on Cheers and then on his own spin–off series, by Kelsey Grammer.

Grammer wasn't a charter member of the Cheers! cast like Colasanto. He came along in the third season, in time to work with Colasanto for a little while.

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... but unused material was included in the season's final episode ...

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But I think Grammer would tell you that his career wouldn't have been the same if he had been deprived of that time with Colasanto, however brief it was. Colasanto had been in the entertainment business for a quarter of a century. The role of Coach was a supporting role, but Colasanto played a variety of roles in a career that included both TV and films. He also did some directing in his life.

That career began 51 years ago on Friday with a small part in a Playhouse 90 production of "For Whom the Bell Tolls" that starred Jason Robards, Maureen Stapleton, Eli Wallach and Sydney Pollack. To put things into perspective, Grammer was barely 4 years old at the time.

Colasanto appeared on several popular TV shows in his career — My Favorite Martian, The Alfred Hitchcock Hour, Ben Casey, The Man From U.N.C.L.E., I Spy, The Fugitive, Mannix, Mission:Impossible, Ironside, Kojak, Baretta. He almost never made more than one episode with any show until he signed on with Cheers — and it is beyond me why someone with a lengthy resume of appearances in crime dramas cast his lot with a sitcom.

But that's what he did, and anyone who watches the early Cheers! episodes in the future will be grateful. Coach was oblivious to a lot. He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. But he had the proverbial heart of gold, and he left a void in the cast until Woody Harrelson joined the show as Woody Boyd.

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... and then Sam adjusted Colasanto's picture of Geronimo in a tribute
to Coach in the last act of the series' finale in 1993.

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After Colasanto's death, the cast continued to pay tribute to him on screen.

A picture of Geronimo had been hanging in his dressing room. The cast hung the picture on the set and it stayed there until the final episode eight years later.

In that final episode, Sam straightened the picture, as you can see in the attached clip. A final salute to Coach.

What relevance did Geronimo have to Nicholas Colasanto? Ultimately, not much, I guess — except that it was said the picture had special meaning for Colasanto.

I don't know what that special meaning was. But it apparently is why he kept it hanging on a wall in his dressing room.

Consequently, after Colasanto died, it had a lot of meaning for his castmates as well.